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THE ESCAPE DIARIES
by Juliet Rosetti

Genre: E-book, Contemporary Romance

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My mother-in-law sends me poisoned cookies. Occasionally she sends rat pellet pie or drain cleaner doughnuts, but mostly she sticks with the cookies. I can picture her in her big, cheery kitchen, wearing a frilly apron and humming as she mixes the ingredients: flour, sugar, eggs, butter, cyanide...

Inmates haven’t been allowed food packages since crystal meth disguised as rock candy sneaked into the system and everyone’s teeth started falling out.

But that doesn’t discourage my mother-in-law. She keeps cranking out the toxic treats, convinced that one day the strychnine snickerdoodles or the carbolic caramel bars will make their way to my digestive tract.

Although I don’t get the goodies, the mailroom staff passes the packing cartons along to me. This is how they’re addressed:

Mazie Maguire

Murdering Scum

Inmate #3490082

Wisconsin Correctional Institute

750 County Road K

Taycheedah, Wisconsin 54935

Sometimes they’re addressed to Murdering Bitch, but Vanessa Vonnerjohn has standards for ladylike speech and usually restricts herself to Trash, Trollop, Jezebel, and the like. The lah-di-dah standards stretch only so far, however. Given the opportunity, my mother-in-law would claw my beating heart out of my chest and feed it to her dogs. Vanessa believes in Family, Church, and Vengeance, not necessarily in that order. 

I’m always Mazie Maguire on the care packages, never Mazie Vonnerjohn. Apparently I’d trashed my good standing in the family when I put a bullet through Kip Vonnerjohn Junior’s handsome head.