Bitten Recap: Episode 1.13 - "Ready"

The first season of Bitten comes to a head in 1x13, “Ready,” and you’d better believe the fur is flying!

Morning at Stonehaven means a guilt-wracked Clay gets a bath in an old-fashioned metal washtub. Fancy! The handmaiden washing his back? Elena. “You saved me,” she says, explaining that “I know everything.” As he watches, rapt, she slips his wedding ring on.

Tubthumping.

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Downstairs, Nick and Jeremy stack the basement with wood, so it — and all their records — can go up Fahrenheit 451-style in case things go south. Some secrets are meant to be kept. Elena comes downstairs from tending Clay and notes that Nick’s not in great shape either, angry as he is about Antonio’s death. “I’m gonna make them pay,” she swears of the mutts. Jeremy gets none of her concern and all of her attitude. Clay needs “days, not hours” to recover and she will “stand in the way of anything that comes his way. Even you.”    

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Danny Boy Santos meets with the increasingly attractive James Williams, who is thrilled about the fracture of the Pack. Meanwhile, Logan, Rachel and “baby Rocco” hide out in a shady motel. Rachel can’t help but worry about the family. Logan reassures her and heads out for pizza. Waiting for Santos, Karl rocks clothes that would make Nick jealous and schools LeBlanc on hobo code. As you do. He’s clearly not so hot on Team Mutt. Neither are Jeremy and Nick’s cousin Jorge, who catch up on Philip (safely in Paris) and James Williams. Jorge suggests Big J send Elena to him in Vancouver. Jeremy nixes that, because the Pack is stronger with her. She’s the glue that holds them together! Aw!

Elena tends to a shirtless Clay and they kiss tenderly. An alert from the GPS tracker she stashed in Santos’ car cock-blocks more canoodling. When Jeremy realizes the mutts are headed to Stonehaven, he orders the gang to hunker down for a siege. “They’ll have to kill us before they take anything,” Clay swears. “We will win here, or we will die here,” intones our inVested alpha. Cue a montage of the gang booby-trapping the house and barring the doors and windows. “I want to show you something,” Jeremy tells Nick. (No, it’s not in his pants. Settle down.) It’s an escape route to the greenhouse if Nick has to torch the Legacy. Big J admits he met Nick’s mother once and knows where she is. It’s a Moment.

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Speaking of wolf moms, Rachel does that dumb cannon-fodder thing where she doesn’t stay put. And Logan shows up to help at Stonehaven — just in time, since Clay’s still as weak as a newborn puppy. As Jeremy gets into lecture mode, Logan tells Big J that he came to help his family, not to obey his Pack alpha, and he’ll still be leaving with Rachel. Then, the mutts arrive on the property and they roll out the welcome wagon. A bound and gagged Rachel is shoved out of the woods. Logan grabs her and Jeremy throws an ax (!!) and nails the wolf at her heels.

Make that “Vest of AXkickery.”

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The Pack quickly realizes they’re facing an all-out assault. Logan calms a hysterical Rachel and then hides her in a closet. Outside, Karl wonders why Santos isn’t dirtying his delicate hands. “You’re going to get everything that’s coming to you,” he assures Danny Boy. Cue smoke grenades, lots of running around, mutts stuck in traps, necks getting snapped, a fight in the giant wash tub (You knew that was there for a reason, right? So Jeremy could get wet. Swoon!). It’s all very violent and exciting. Of course someone almost finds Rachel, because her hiding spots are the worst. No worries: Nick takes care of it, and checks in with her. Karl and LeBlanc basically stroll in while the first wave is getting its ass kicked. As for Daniel, his boss arrives, all elegant and deadly in a Rutger Hauer sort of way. And he seems to know a secret way into Stonehaven. (Gee, I wonder why that is?)

Karl, still babysitting LeBlanc, again warns him not to touch Elena. He wants to touch his prize from “the inside out.” Karl knocks him through some glass, noting, “It’s not because she’s a prize, it’s because she’s a lady.” After Elena finishes LeBlanc, Karl gives her the word: “Mutiny.” Clay literally knocks a mutt’s teeth out and Elena brings turncoat Karl into the fold. Things go temporarily quiet and, of course, Rachel winds up missing while Santos and James stroll in through the basement secret passage. The Pack traps Santos in Jeremy’s study. When Danny tries to turn them against their new pal, Karl asks for a “swift death.” Big J thinks he’d be more use alive. A relieved Karl offers to be at his “beck and call.” (Be right back: writing all the slash fan fiction.) Santos, of course, throws a fit. He’s like a villainous, horny 14-year-old. “My future never belonged to you,” Elena tells him with her hand around his throat. “It was never yours for the taking.” She literally breaks his heart by punching through his chest like wet cardboard. Bad. Ass.

Who’s up for a little pre-death necking?

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A really lovely song plays over a montage of the corpses littering Stonehaven. Logan and Nick run through the woods looking for Rachel. They hug it out before parting ways so Logan can keep searching. In the house, Jeremy is carrying Daniel’s corpse when he runs into the elusive James Williams. (Cue your recapper doing a big ol’ “I told you so!” dance) “I had hoped that the rumors of your death were true,” Jeremy says to the man taking a “nostalgia tour” through the house. “If you didn’t hide behind your grandfather’s coattails, I would’ve killed you years ago,” Malcolm Danvers tells him. “Now I’m just enjoying the ride.” Does dear old Dad want the mansion? The position of alpha? Nope. He wants Elena, of course. “My best is yet to come,” he promises Jeremy, before speeding away in his fancy limo. Guess who’s an unwilling passenger? Rachel.          

The couple that tracks together Packs together. Sniffle!

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Outside, dealing with post-battle clean-up, Elena promises Clay that they won’t let this happen again. They’ll start tracking. Together. Sunlight washes over them as they kiss. There’s “just one more thing I need to fix,” she whispers to him, before going upstairs for her wedding ring and slipping it on her finger. She stares at herself in the mirror, beaming, only to see blood on her bedsheets … and Philip’s head. 

Let’s face it: We need season two NOW.

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Were you “Ready” for that ending? Let me know in the comments! You can find my past Bitten recaps here.

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