This week on Bitten 1x05, aptly titled “Bitten,” we learn how Clena got their smush on, and the gang goes on a not-so fun stroll in the woods.

As Jeremy, Nick and Clay flip through LeBlanc’s creepy scrapbook, Elena toys with Pete’s ring. Jeremy reveals he’s willing to entertain Daniel Santos’ offer. Clay and Nick protest. Probably ‘cause they realize the dude has serial killer eyes. One stop further on the “Are you kidding us?” train, Elena offers to be the bait for LeBlanc. “I’m the bitch that he wants!” she says, like the title of a self-help book. “We will find him together,” says Big J, making her storm off in a huff.

We flash back in gold-toned soft focus to four years ago, when Clay had a sense of humor and he, Pete and Nick were in Canada for his anthropology lecture series. (Nick’s wearing a very pink shirt over a white henley — and rocking it. As he does.) It was instant sparks for Clay and Elena, who was looking for a job as Dr. Danvers typist. No, that’s not a euphemism. As Nick and Pete teased Clay about the very cute “minefield,” he swore nothing was going to happen. Famous last words! Probably famous last smile, too!

The boys, plus Nick’s pink shirt

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In the present, Sheriff Karen finds Braxton-the-MIA-plot-point’s truck and a blood trail on the edge of the Danvers’ property. Clay offers to go off-book and track the mutts with Elena. Then, Sheriff Karen shows up to check out Jeremy in his vest. Wait, no, she’s actually telling him and Clay about Braxton. The always-accommodating Jeremy suggests they form a search party and go looking for the man. Inside, Jeremy explains his logic to the grumbling pups. The humans aren’t happy either, kvetching about how the Danvers’ live like “it’s goddamn Skyfall up here.” (Spoiler alert: That house blew up.) Sheriff Karen hands out assignments, and we go back to gold…

Clay’s superwolf hearing allowed him to hear a nervous Elena prepping to meet with him. He was charmed, and she was all sassy when he tried to test her with anthropology terms. (I know. Re-hinge your jaws.)          

As a psychotic pedophile inmate named Victor gets paroled from jail, Clay paces around Big J’s study like a caged animal. Jeremy reminds him of how he found him, a feral little pup in the swamp, and hopes they still have that trust. (IDK, Jer’, you’re kinda losin’ me.) In the woods, Nick eavesdrops as Elena takes a call from the Toronto humans, who want her to step in as an emergency bridesmaid. Nick wonders if Clay knows about Philip. Um, dude, Phil’s still breathing,,,do you THINK Clay knows?

In flashback land, Clay and Elena wrapped up the semester, and Clay looked like someone repeatedly kicked his wolf puppy. Attachment issues much? “I’m not ready to go,” he told Elena. “I’m sort of drowning.” (Clena resistance melting. Can’t…help…it.) Their first kiss was sweet and tentative and everything a first kiss should be..and then it got naked. And thrust-y. On his office couch. Howl-chicka-wow-wow.  

This is the Clay butt you missed, America.

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Viewers don’t get to enjoy the afterglow: We flash-forward to Braxton’s barely buried corpse. Ew. Elena smells him, as you do, and Nick distracts the search party while she zips off to find the body. She starts stripping. (Please don’t tell me she’s going to eat the corpse. I haven’t had breakfast.)

Meanwhile, past Clay brings Elena home and admits he hasn’t told Jeremy about her or their engagement. Way to bring the awkward one-two punch there, Sparky. Elena’s uneasy at Stonehaven, but she gets a grand tour and an introduction to Big J. He’s distinctly chilly and none-too-happy with Clay: “Stonehaven is our sanctuary. It’s not for outsiders!” (Why do you hate love, Jeremy?) Post-chastising, Jeremy brings Elena tea and makes nice, because he expects to be rid of her. Too bad wolf-y Clay pads in and bites her! (Like I said: attachment issues!)

OMG, Elena! Don’t pet the doggie!

Back in the present, the Balkan vodka campaign comes up again, as Philip gets sent a video of wolves fighting and then re-brands the vodka with the Estonian word for “wolf.” BTW, Estonia is not in the Balkans — just on the Baltic Sea — and his icy blond business contact is probably a werewolf. Fortunately, we’re soon back at Stonehaven. With the search called off, Nick tells Clay that Elena’s moving the body…and Daniel Santos shows up, all creepily overinvested in Elena.

Speaking of creepy overinvestment, past Jeremy warned Clay that no woman has ever survived the first change, and Elena woke up in a cage. Jeremy explained her new, painful reality as she begged for help. “Don’t fight the pain,” he advised. “It will kill you.” Guess what? She survived! And she was furious with Clay. She conned him into opening the cage for her and made a break for it! Atta girl!

Daniel Santos, Junior Executive Creeper

Daniel Santos and his skinny tie ask for Pack status in exchange for information. He tells them what the mutts are thinking, but in the vaguest of terms. (I wouldn’t give him a dollar, much less Pack status.) Alone, Elena tells Clay how she was forced to change to help him and the Pack. Genuinely contrite, all he can say about turning her is, “I did it because I love you.” Dude, even Meatloaf won’t do THAT. Predictably, Elena says, “I’m going home.”

Back in the past, a naked, wild Elena woke up by a dumpster, and Clay found her. He picked her up and carried her away, promising Jeremy would teach her to survive.

Too bad we don’t get to end on that sweet note. No, instead, we see Zachary Cain meeting with the paroled predator at a playground — and we learn that Elena was one of his victims. At Stonehaven, a teary Elena tells Jeremy that he’s the closest thing she had to a father. “I can’t say ‘no’ when you call…so I’m asking you not to.” She walks away, as Jeremy, Clay and Nick look on, but it won’t be the last time…

What'd you think of this week's episode? Let me know in the comments!

Tags: RT Daily Blog, TV Recap, Paranormal/Urban Fantasy
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