We know it’s not quite October yet, but we at RT are such big Halloween fans that we thought we’d start the celebration a bit early. We’ve got lots of fun planned for Halloween on the RT website, and we thought we’d let the authors of the Lovers Unmasked anthology, out this week from Entangled, start things off. We cajoled them into telling us their worst costume stories, and the lovely ladies obliged. Hope you enjoy!
My worst Halloween costume was the fall after I graduated high school. I was clever! I was hilarious! I was also roughly eight months pregnant. So I thought it’d be a brilliant idea to go to this Air Force party (with my then-husband) as a sexy pregnant school girl. I had the stockings, the short skirt, the artfully unbuttoned top … and the huge belly.
And it WAS hilarious (though not totally for reasons I understood at the time).
But the worst moment was when a drunk woman stumbled up and SLAPPED my stomach. We are not talking a love pat here, people. She gets this horrified look on her face and was like, “OMG I THOUGHT IT WAS FAKE!”
What can I say? So much of my teenage years are one giant cautionary tale. This is no exception.
When I was in fifth grade, Halloween came right on the heels of Nancy Kerrigan getting assaulted by a man wielding a bat as she skated on the ice, preparing for the Winter Olympics, thus leading to the whole Tonya Harding conspiracy. I dressed up in an ice-skating costume, totally outside of my comfort zone because I was a huge tomboy, strapped on some roller blades and wrapped my knee in a bloody bandage. I was so smug. I thought everyone would know who I was and congratulate me on being relevant, but as it turns out, not everyone in fifth grade followed the news cycle with rapt interest like me, so when I walked into the classroom, I was greeted to thirty blank stares.
I decided to make my own costume one year. My friends and I had plans to attend a big Halloween party at a local club. I was in my early twenties and still a student, so I’m sure limited funds accounted for my Martha Stewart ambitions, but I found a remnant of this really great, slightly stretchy, shimmery green fabric at Jo Ann’s and I thought, “I’ll make myself a mermaid costume. How hard can it be?”
Sewing? Not that hard. Sizing? A bit more challenging. The “tail” looked more or less like I pictured it, but turned out to be a little snug through the hips. Thanks to give in the fabric, however, I managed to get into the darn thing.
Fast forward to the party. I’m having a blast. The club is located near a large USMC base in Southern California, and packed with young, single Marines looking for love in all the wrong places. Drinks are served. Many, many drinks. I’m on the dance floor shaking my tail when, all the sudden … hmm … it seems like a lot of somebodies are watching me. Maybe I should sew more often, because people can’t take their eyes off my costume!
At this point my friend leans close and yells at me to be heard over the music, “Hey Ariel, you have a little tear in the back of your fin.”
What? I reach back and find where the seam has split. Right over my butt. It doesn’t feel like a “little tear” to me. It feels like a good portion of my ass is on display. I make her walk behind me to the ladies room and check the situation. The mirror confirms my worst fear. Sure enough, there’s my ass.
A friend scored a roll of duct tape and a pair of scissors from one of the club’s staff. It took three strips of duct tape to seal up my “little tear.” And now, instead of feeling like a sexy mermaid, I felt like a booth at Denny’s.
In high school a few friends and I decided we'd go for our last trick-or-treating hurrah, so at the last minute we assembled costumes from whatever we could scrounge up. I ended up wearing my friend’s mom’s oversized fuzzy bathrobe, some crazy slippers, a pair of weird glasses and carrying one of her dad’s unlit cigars with a newspaper under my arm. I think I was supposed to be an older lady lounging around the house, but it was sort of hard to tell! It's as they always say, necessity is the mother of invention!
What’s your biggest Halloween costume fail? Sound off in the comments. And for more spooky stories, be sure to visit our Everything Paranormal page.