Heather Webber's Absolutely, Postively: An RT-Exclusive Look At Lucy Valentine's Mail

Heather Webber brings back her popular heroine Lucy Valentine in this month's Absolutely, Positively. For a taste of the type of paranormal investigative work that Lucy does at Valentine, Inc, we've brought you an RT-exclusive look at some of Lucy's recent correspondence. 

Dear Lucy,
I have a big, big problem, and I hope you can help me. I “borrowed” one of my mother’s cocktail rings for a recent night on the town (it matched my outfit perfectly). I woke up the next morning after one too many mojitos and realized the ring was missing! I have no idea where I lost it—and I don’t really want to be cut out of the will. Can you help me?
-Comm Ave. Socialite

Dear Comm Ave Socialite,
I know what it’s like to lose a valuable piece of jewelry*. Unfortunately, in order for me to get a reading on the ring, I’d have to touch your mom’s hand. It’s not impossible, but it might be hard to explain. My advice is to make sure your mom’s jewelry isn’t costume stuff made to fool burglars while she has the real stash locked away in a safe deposit box. If the ring was fake, ‘fess up, count your blessings, and cut back on the mojitos. If it was real, give me a call at Valentine, Inc., and we’ll take it from there.
-Lucy

Dear Lucy,
You have to help me!!!! My, ah, significant other died recently without telling me the numbers of the offshore accounts. Is there any way you can contact him and get the information? I’ll be happy to reimburse you once I get the cash. I need to act soon before his wife catches on!
-Mafia Mistress

Dear M.M.,
Sadly, my talents don’t extend to speaking to the dead. You may want to contact the FBI to see if there’s a reward for any information about the location of those accounts. Might not be as big a payout, but you’d be doing the right thing.
-Lucy

Dear Lucy,
I’m curious if you can see any babies playing in my future? I’m hoping my granddaughter will soon have children, but so far she’s refusing to supply her loving, doting, grandmother with scads of great-grandchildren. Can I look forward to the pitter-patter of tiny feet any time soon?
-Great-grandchildless in MA

Dear Dovie,
I am not amused.
-Lucy

Dear Lucy,
Are you out of your ever-loving mind? Do you want to see me dead? Thanks for a whole lot of nothing! 
-Mafia Mistress

Dear Lucy,
I lost my dog, Mighty, just over six months ago, when he jumped a fence and disappeared. Any chance you could find him?
-Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,
Losing a pet is such a terrible, helpless feeling. I know from experience—I’ve lost two in recent weeks*. I can only get readings from inanimate objects, so if Mighty is still wearing his collar, I may be able to help. Set up an appointment with me at Valentine, Inc.
-Lucy

Dear Lucy,
Really, are there any great-grandchildren in my future? How long are you is my granddaughter going to make me wait?
-Great-grandchildless in MA

Dear Dovie,
Still not amused.
-Lucy

*These events are documented in the pages of Absolutely, Positively.

To read more about Heather Webber's heroine, Lucy Valentine, and Lucy's unorthodox methods of investigation, check out Absolutely, Positively in stores now!

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