Navy SEAL Hero Happy To Retire; Didn’t Really Want To Pursue That Vendetta, Anyway

Close up of veteran's dog tags and military medals


Annapolis — Former Navy SEAL and all-around bad ass Redd Stone was all smiles the week following his retirement after an illustrious and top secret 15 year career. “You know,” he told us between long drags of beer, “it feels good to be outta the game.” He patted his stomach. “Some of my buddies have missed it, started up security firms, taken on last minute, killer missions. Not me, no thanks. I want to sleep through the night. In a bed.”

Stone explained the constant travel, risky missions and gunfights get to a person after a while. “I missed out on a lot of TV, you know? I don’t even know whatever happened at the end of Lost.” He held up his hand, “Don’t tell me, I’ve got it all recorded.”

“Me? I’m just going to post up at this bar every night for awhile, get my diner up and running. Maybe ask out my neighbor, Kristen. She’s been watering my plants for years, and I think she just broke up with some billionaire.”
When asked about the revenge he swore he’d get for his discredited comrades, his sighed. “Listen, my buddies, they got a raw deal with that bust. But they’ve all moved on, gotten married, had kids. I don’t need to be parachuting into enemy territory on a moment’s notice.” He drained his beer. “You know what? I’ll give ‘em half off every meal at my diner. That should do it.”

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