We at RT love books, sure, but we also love books that make it to the small screen! Which is why we're recapping Once Upon a Time in Wonderland for you! Our intrepid Features Editor Mala continues with the second episode, "Trust Me," and here's what she had to say …
image from here
Once upon a time in Agrabah, Aladdin’s Jafar still had a Jheri curl. He paid a visit to a surprisingly wealthy average Agrabahnian, wondering about his good fortune. Realizing Jafar was after his genie, the man quickly wished Cyrus as far from Agrabah as possible. Jafar dispatched the poor guy — as you do — as the genie’s bottle landed in Wonderland. So that’s how crossovers happen!
In Alice’s present, she practices swordplay on defenseless plants and assures the Knave of Hearts that she has a plan. As for her fetching and practical new outfit? A “clotheshorse came by.” Bet Carrie Bradshaw would’ve killed for one of those! Will the Knave and Alice talk about looking for the genie’s bottle and rubbing it … to find Cyrus, you pervs! Cyrus, sensing Alice, wakes up in his Agrabah cage. Alice and the Knave tromp through the woods and come upon a lake. Way to impede progress, water! As to the subject of discussion: Cyrus, of course. I mean, it’s not like they watch Scandal or Grey’s Anatomy. Alice is all, “You’ll never understand our love!” and Will is all, “Because we’re barely two episodes in, and it was instantaneous!” Oh, wait, that’s viewers. In actuality, the Knave admits, “I can’t swim!” and suggests they walk around the lake. “We’re taking the ferry,” says a snotty Alice. Then they start clapping their hands. See, it’s a fairy, y’all, not a ferry. And this fairy has a history with the Knave! Awkward.
Elsewhere, the Red Queen and Jafar snipe about their “unholy desires.” Jafar, who is wearing way less guyliner than in the pilot (good decision), encourages the Red Queen to find Cyrus’ bottle so that he can make his wishes. Said “encouragement”? Turning her courtiers to ash and wrapping his hand around her throat. They clearly need couples’ counseling. To recover, the Red Queen gets a pedi — as you do — and an update from her Bad CGI narc, the White Rabbit.
Back in the cage, we find out that silver bars keep Cyrus the genie from escaping, and he has a chess buddy in the next cage over. (It’s good to make friends in the clink. I learned that from Oz.) Cyrus remembers giving Alice her wishes and outlining the rules. “What if I wish for your freedom?” she’d wondered. Sorry, Al. No dice. Meanwhile, flying over the lake, Will’s mouth gets him into trouble — of course — so his fairy ex-girlfriend drops him. Frustrated Alice drops, too, to rescue him. She helps him to shore, and Will goes off on love and relationships and how he’d rather be home watching telly (“Don’t ask!”). Of course, Alice still believes in love. Cue a flashback to her and Cyrus out on a date, where Cyrus made origami (this will be important later!) and warned her about an ominous man with a staff who follows him around. Yes, that’s what he said. I can’t believe this show is on at 8 o’clock. Alice even asked Cyrus to teach her swordplay! O_o
At RQ HQ, Jafar denies that he and the queen have a relationship. As the queen says her partners require some proof of intention from Jafar, he freezes her with his magic and demands to know where the bottle is. Dude, they really need a therapist. As for our stranded adventurers, it turns out they didn’t really land on shore. They landed on a giant CGI mock turtle! Luckily, Alice knows how to drive one. (This just makes me miss Bastian and Falcor.) In the past, Alice and Cyrus engaged in some foreplay … er, swordplay … and got to know each other. A very forward Alice planted a kiss on Cyrus. You go, girl! Sadly, Cyrus worried about falling in love with Alice only to have to return to his bottle once she made her wishes. She swore she’d never make any — he’s everything she’d ever want — and they made a deal to never move on from each other. (‘Cause that always works.) In the now-ish, we rehash the Knave and the fairy’s issues. Also, the Knave has a past with someone named Anastasia. Steele? Grand Duchess? We don’t know. Will and Alice continue their journey to where Cyrus’ bottle is buried. Too bad Jafar is doing the same!
As Alice and Knave spot Jafar, she reveals that she dropped hints about a wrong location, knowing no one in Wonderland can be trusted. Too bad when they get to the real location, the bottle is gone! All of a sudden, Alice’s unwavering hope wavers. Back in the cage, Cyrus makes an origami bird (told you!) and suffers great pain as he shoves it through the bars to send it outside. Two seconds later, Jafar storms in, shaking Cyrus down for the bottle’s location. The Red Queen shows up, complimenting Jafar’s dungeon (and Jafar’s prisoner) and telling him not to underestimate her. “Do not talk down to me anymore!” she warns. “You have the genie … and I have the bottle.” Boom! She flounces out — as much as you can flounce in a gown that heavy.
image from here
As Alice mopes, thinking Cyrus moved on from her, we discover that the White Rabbit is the one who dug up the bottle for the Red Queen. He’d followed Cyrus and Alice as they swore eternal codependent love! Gasp. Later, the Knave and Alice bond over their heartbreak. “When somebody truly loves you, they can never move on,” Will assures. “My father did,” sighs Alice. (Because Daddy Issues are this TV season’s thing.) But before we can all get too maudlin, guess what arrives? Cyrus’ bird, complete with a love note — urging Alice to leave Wonderland. Silly Cyrus, you should know she ain’t leavin’ now! She sends the bird back with one simple message: “I’m coming for you.”
Don’t worry, Alice. He’ll just hang out …
Did you watch the premiere of Once Upon A Time in Wonderland? What did you think? Let us know in the comments!