Eighteen-year-old Oakvale High School junior Xavier Medina clarified yesterday that his sudden growth and increase in body hair was, in fact, not a werewolf transformation after all, but an instance of late puberty.
“I woke up one morning with a ton more hair. My chest and stomach were covered in thick, black fur. I even noticed hairs on my knuckles!” Medina told us. “I was terrified I was turning into a werewolf, you know, like on that TV show? My sister is obsessed with it, I don't watch it. Anyway, it seemed like the only logical explanation. Especially because I’ve been eating a lot of hamburgers. My mom is pissed because she keeps having to buy groceries.”
Although most boys in Xavier’s class are well into puberty, things have always moved slower for Xavier. “Xavier is just a late bloomer,” his pediatrician Dr. Amelia Stanton told us. “I told him to cut back on the comic books and to maybe try a sport instead.”
Xavier is sheepish about his werewolf suspicions, though he admits he thought maybe it would help him with teen queen Madyson Morrow. “I really thought I was turning into something else. My little sister is obsessed with that teen werewolf TV show and sometimes I’ll catch a few minutes of it … wait, you’re not going to print that, right? I just really feel for that guy, what’s his name? Scott, yea.”
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