RT Daily Blog

Bitten Recap: Episode 1.9 - "Vengeance"

BY Mala Bhattacharjee, MARCH 11, 2014 | PERMALINK

Bitten 1x9, “Vengeance,” is all about ch-ch-changes. So, crank up the Bowie!

We open on Nick and Jeremy sparring on the Stonehaven grounds (because Bitten loves me), as Big J advises Nick on the value of self control. Jeremy hopes story time will underscore his lessons. Flash back to 1984, with a very young Antonio and a wee baby Nick (because Bitten loves me A LOT). Jimmy Koenig, who looked like Mick Jagger and Benicio del Toro’s love child, was sent to bring them home to Stonehaven after Antonio left Nick’s mother. With wee baby Nick in a car seat nearby, Koenig made Tony choke a mutt to death. Not because it was the Alpha’s price for returning but “just for the sport of it,” says Jeremy. “Don’t lose your focus.”

Koenig can’t get no satisfaction.

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Bitten Recap: Episode 1.8 - "Prisoner"

BY Mala Bhattacharjee, MARCH 04, 2014 | PERMALINK

In Bitten 1.8, “Prisoner,” there’s physical torment, emotional torment and a sexy scene too hot for American TV.

Far from whistling while they work, Elena and Clay clean up the bloody remnants of Antonio’s demise. “I feel like we failed Antonio,” Elena whispers, Lady Macbeth-ing the bloody table. “We did,” broods Clay. Elena then checks on a feverish Jeremy, who is still Alpha enough to tell her how to solve his poisoning woes. (Bad. Ass.) Clay offers to torture Cain for the type of poison used. “I’ll make him talk,” he vows. Too bad Cain has wolfed out! Elena decides to go find the rest of the mutts, starting with their human hanger-on, Amber, and promises Clay she’ll call if she needs backup.


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Bitten Recap: Episode 1.7 - "Stalking"

BY Mala Bhattacharjee, FEBRUARY 25, 2014 | PERMALINK

In Bitten 1.07, “Stalking,” we diverge from book canon and from vests.

 


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Bitten Recap: Episode 1.6 - "Committed"

BY Mala Bhattacharjee, FEBRUARY 18, 2014 | PERMALINK

In Bitten 1x06, “Committed,” Elena dons a bridesmaid’s gown and body parts get removed (not by her).

We open on Elena and Philip reveling in two days’ worth of reunion sex and talking about Becky’s wedding — and we learn they don’t live together! (I officially give up pondering where/why/how Elena hangs her hat.) More Snuggles of Wolf Denial continue as, back in Bear Valley, Jeremy and Clay discuss the mutt menaces. Jeremy mentions Nick talking to their allies, the Stillwells, in D.C., and Clay dubs them traitors. Yes, Clay is just crankypants because Elena left. Jeremy assures him she’ll be back and then finds a stranger on his doorstep: Samuel Boggs, a wolf who’s heard the Alpha is weak and is spoiling for a fight. Clay’s happy to give it to him, breaking his nose and tossing him out. 


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Bitten Recap: Episode 1.5 - "Bitten"

BY Mala Bhattacharjee, FEBRUARY 11, 2014 | PERMALINK

This week on Bitten 1x05, aptly titled “Bitten,” we learn how Clena got their smush on, and the gang goes on a not-so fun stroll in the woods.

As Jeremy, Nick and Clay flip through LeBlanc’s creepy scrapbook, Elena toys with Pete’s ring. Jeremy reveals he’s willing to entertain Daniel Santos’ offer. Clay and Nick protest. Probably ‘cause they realize the dude has serial killer eyes. One stop further on the “Are you kidding us?” train, Elena offers to be the bait for LeBlanc. “I’m the bitch that he wants!” she says, like the title of a self-help book. “We will find him together,” says Big J, making her storm off in a huff.


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Bitten Recap: Episode 1.4 - "Grief"

BY Mala Bhattacharjee, FEBRUARY 04, 2014 | PERMALINK

In Bitten 1.4, “Grief,” it’s time to round up the mutts and show off your butts! Wait, the latter is every week …

The Pack gathers at Stonehaven to drink a toast to Poor Dead Pete as a motley wolf wanders in the woods. A taunting howl interrupts the Pete lovefest, and the Pack members split off in pursuit. Why are they running as humans? Limited CGI budget? Who knows? In any case, Elena finds Pete’s jacket hung as a “nyah-nyah.” “Tonight we mourn for Pete, tomorrow we hunt,” intones Jeremy.


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Bitten Recap: Episode 1.3 - "Trespass"

BY Mala Bhattacharjee, JANUARY 28, 2014 | PERMALINK

This week on episode 1.3 of the Real Werewolves of New York, “Trespass,” Elena and Clay hunt the murderous mutt. Here puppy, puppy…

As the Pack members crouch around the mutt’s newest victim, hunters and their dogs approach. Jeremy warns Clay and Nick against trying to cover it up. “We had nothing to do with this,” he assures the humans. Tempers start to rise. Elena plays visual chicken with a hunting dog and Clay knocks a guy in the face with his own gun. Fortunately, Jeremy’s good sense prevails (he buys it in bulk from Costco), and he calls the sheriff. Inside at Stonehaven, Clay gets all huffy about Elena challenging the dog. “You act like I’ve never been bitten before,” she snarks. The wolves return to figuring out the mutt’s motives and Elena promises to stay until they find him. “I want him alive,” Jeremy reminds her and Clay. They need to discover who turned him! Meanwhile, Nick, Logan and Pete are put on the task of tracking down Karl Marsten, a mutt with his paw on the pulse of non-Pack society.


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Bitten Recap: Episode 1.2 - "Prodigal"

BY Mala Bhattacharjee, JANUARY 21, 2014 | PERMALINK

Welcome to “Bitten” episode two, “Prodigal,” where the previouslies recap the entire first episode in case you didn’t read mine.

Returned to Stonehaven (very stone, not so haven), Elena has a chilly reunion with Clay. We flash back to four years ago, when they walked through the same gates. Elena was adorably, neurotically, excited to “meet the family.” “Darlin’, I got you,” a marginally less creeper Clay promised. In the now, Elena and Clay circle and snark. Unresolved sexual tension? Nah, just tension. “I’m here because a wolf needs to be tracked,” she insists. “I’m not here for us.” (Famous last words. This is a naked show.) Clay can’t help but be annoyingly overprotective. How can you tell Elena’s not havin’ it? She ignores his offer of food! She’s much happier to see Pack Alpha Jeremy. (There are hugs!) They discuss the threat from the murderous mutt wreaking havoc in Bear Valley, and Jeremy wants to send Elena and Clay out tracking. “I’d rather go with the local psychopath,” she says. “You forget, darlin’, I AM the local psychopath,” drawls Clay. (Local to where? Hipster Williamsburg?)

Elena and the local psychopath

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Pass The Brain Bleach: A Recap Of Lifetime's TV Movie Adaptation Of V.C. Andrews' Flowers In The Attic

BY Mala Bhattacharjee, JANUARY 20, 2014 | PERMALINK

In case you missed it (which … might be a bad thing or a good thing, we're not sure), Lifetime premiered their TV movie adaptation of everyone's favorite incestuous love story: V.C. Andrews' Flowers in the Attic. If you missed this televised train wreck, or simply want to relive all the sordid details (you masochist, you), please enjoy the following recap.

The camera tracks through an abandoned mansion, Foxworth Hall. We see a crowded attic with hash-marks on the wall and a scrawled, “Cathy was here.” A voiceover tells us yellow is the color of hope but “we never colored even one of our paper flowers yellow.” Translation? This is a V.C. Andrews story. Shit’s about to get freaky.

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Bitten Recap: Episode 1.1 - "Summons"

BY Mala Bhattacharjee, JANUARY 14, 2014 | PERMALINK

Hey, werewolf lovers and genre TV aficionados! Bitten is based on the bestselling first book in RT favorite Kelley Armstrong's Otherworld series. It's simultaneously airing in Canada and the U.S. You know what means? Grab your toque and your Timbits and settle in for some sexy skin!

We open on an apartment, clothing scattered in a trail to a bedroom, as our very naked heroine, Elena Michaels, takes a guy for a spin. But then it gets weird. Elena (Laura Vandervoort, when book Elena is a bit more Laura Dern-with-muscles) makes excuses to her guy Philip and bolts. Cramps? Nausea? Too many tacos? No, she’s shifting! She quickly finds an alley, strips down, and turns into a wolf! Elsewhere, a cute young guy questions a girl at a bar about the mysterious Danvers family who live out in the country — and calls her a slut for her troubles. (Screw you, too, buddy.) The girl walks through the woods as Elena prowls for prey…and pounces! But, psych, wolf Elena actually dove for a rabbit. That means someone else kills the girl…

Elena and Philip, being all normal

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