Well! Are we recovered from last week’s tentacle sex? I was a little nervous to watch this week’s episode because my mom is visiting — “What’s a recap?” she asks — but this episode was thankfully free of cephalopod loving, though never fear, there was still lots of beefcake to ogle! Frederick was particularly of interest to some.
Our own intrepid DJ volunteers his services.
Let’s get to it!
Jo’s worried about Ingrid — um, rightly so, mama! They find her passed out on the lawn, all beat up. Ingrid opens her eyes, unable to remember the tentacle sex. She feels totally rested and is starving. I can’t, you guys.
Jo tells the girls about Frederick and how she left him behind in Asgard — though Wendy insists it was Frederick’s choice to stay with grandpa, he who cursed them all. Jo still believes Frederick’s story that he escaped Asgard, with the helpful proof of his curing her poisoning. Ingrid points out that the being Wendy saw in the forest, who had escaped from the portal, was vicious and evil. Jo says they think that it was something other than Frederick, Wendy demurs.
Frederick bonds with his sisters and exposits that he and Freya are twins. Ingrid’s hair looks amazing, must be the tentacle sperm? She’s knocked up, right?!
Jo’s in the garden picking ingredients to make truth pie to serve Dash. Truth pie should never, ever be served at my family’s Thanksgiving. Wendy wants to give Freddy some too, but Jo insists again that she trusts her boy.
Jo beams that the kids are hanging out. More exposition: the Beauchamps are royalty in Asgard! (I feel like we kind of knew this? Maybe I just assumed that because only princesses have such gorgeous hair.) Freddy asks after Victor, who Jo reminds us in the Amazon looking for the cure she no longer needs. Wendy nonchalantly brings the bowl of truth herbs over to the table and asks Freddy about Asgard and Gramps. Freddy says he tried to save grandpa, but he became more and more corrupt, and he’s so glad to be free, in this world with his family. Who believes this?! No one who has ever watched a soap, that’s who.
Up at the manor, Dash is still working on his developing powers and hallucinating a chatty Killian. He’s also getting blackmailing phone calls. $50,000 cash money. Dash gets mad and now his powers work.
Killian’s in his island paradise with Who? Eve the Owl. Ba dum dum. She takes off his bandage, he’s healed! They kiss. Wocka wocka. Later, Killian’s playing poker. He wins. Again. His poker buddies get suspicious and one pulls a gun on him. So how come he couldn’t foresee that? Except Killian uses his mind to stop the guy, breaking the bad guy’s hand in the process.
Wendy’s getting dressed and notices a missing earring. Which … Frederick is eating. Sure! He chants in a mysterious language and then spits it back out.
Wendy shows up at the house of the library/EMT/forest dude from last week. She sneaks a peek at his wife and kid inside, comically widens her cat eyes like Salem from Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, and skedaddles.
Ingrid shows up at work to find her new boss in the stacks. They bicker, he says he never wanted to hire her (remember the spell?) and will be watching her closely. She oohs over the magical texts. Her boss undermines her. She ignores him and discovers her family in one of the ancient texts. She reminds us again that she’s the key. (This already happened on Buffy. It didn’t work out well, no one liked Dawn.)
The ladies are at the town Fourth of July picnic. Wendy feels a chill and says she has a bad feeling. Freya makes a that’s what she said joke. Amazing. The ladies school Freddy on how to not to use magic in public after he uncorks a bottle of wine with magic. Now that is a spell I could use. Freya asks Freddy to help her find Killian with magic.
And she’s funny, too!
Meanwhile, in island paradise, Killian tells Eve about the poker game altercation, and how all the men said he was a witch. Eve oh so casually suggests a ceremony to find out the truth. RUN, Killian! They cast their spell and it’s confirmed: he’s got the gift! She tells him he needs to be awakened and that they’re meant to be. They get it on. I pretend my mom isn’t sitting next to me.
Freya and Freddy have abandoned the picnic and are back at the house, casting a spell to find Killian. She has a vision of Killian’s hotel but as they draw closer, a big owl swoops down and scares them off.
Freya’s all about booking a ticket to Santa Domingo ASAP to find Killian, and she’s calling for a ticket while working? Because it’s secretly 1996? Freddy tries to pick up a lady. Freya reminds him: no magic.
The internet swoons.
Freddy meets Wendy back at the picnic and returns her earring, pretending he found it. The bearded EMT — what is this guy’s name?! — comes over to flirt with Wendy and tells her he’s separated.
Dash shows up at the picnic with his bag full o’ cash to make the drop.
Ingrid’s boss storms toward the fair and is yanked into the forest by a SHADOW MAN.
Some dude harasses Freya at the bar and Freddy tackles him. He almost strangles him to death before Freya pulls him off. (I know it seems like Freddy is all over the place - home, the bar, the fair - it’s not my random recapping, he really is moving around a lot. Either there are two Freddies, a la Jo and Jo 2.0 from last season, or the writers got a bit distracted this episode.)
This picture is hilarious, but these two sure are pretty, huh?
Dash stops Ingrid at the fair. (Remember the “brain similarities” from the MRI last week?) Dash refers to himself as “a patient” — this show’s version of “asking for a friend.” Ingrid says her brain and life are totally, totally completely normal, yup. She is the worst liar ever. But everyone is distracted when her boss stumbles out of the forest, screaming the same things as the bloody guy from last week about how he’s here, he’s coming for us, and so on and so forth. He rips his shirt open in the middle of the fair to reveal his carved chest with the same symbol. My mom: “Oh my goodness! You’re writing this down?" It’s a good thing she didn’t ask me to explain GIFs.
It’s storming, and the ladies and Freddy are at home (I forgot to mention the new set for their house, and Fairhaven, have been considerably souped up from last season. Apparently the show’s budget got a bump! Good for them.) Ingrid announces she’s moving out, to find herself and be able to have uninterrupted tentacle sex or something. I’m just guessing. Oh yeah! Why do they all live in that house? Because it’s gorgeous and the Hamptons is expensive on a librarian and bartender salary? Pfft, reality. Freya gets a text confirming her flight from JFK.
They cast a spell to see the fireworks through the ceiling. Sure!
This actually looks quite nice. Fireworks with no mosquito bites to worry about!
Dash is looking at the MRIs again at home. His blackmailer calls asking for more money, obvs. He gets so mad he makes his computer explode.
Dash! Did you back up your hard drive?!
And that’s a wrap! See you next week, folks! If you missed last week's season two premiere, read the recap here!