Well not only does this show entertain each week, but now I am inundated with holiday cheer thanks to all the commercials for holiday movies on Lifetime. If you need me any time between now and New Year’s, I’ll be on my couch, with ice cream, weeping as Dolly Parton teaches everyone the true meaning of the season. Onto the recap …
We’re at the Fairhaven estate, and Freya’s swimming in the gorgeous indoor pool. She backstrokes right into Killian. They flirt. Obvs. Freya tells Killian she’s worried that he’s waiting for her. He doth protest too much. Dash shows up and scolds Killian for swimming so soon after being nearly shocked to death last week, telling him he needs to come in for a checkup. Freya asks Dash if the brothers are cool now, and Dash dashes that he’s just trying to make things work. Freya says Dash is the best person she’s ever met (in soap language, this means: ain’t never gonna work out).
The pool scene was obviously a cover for shirtless Killian. Twitter was not complaining last night.
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Ingrid’s at the library when Penelope shows up, bearing a photo unearthed during the Fairhaven renovation. Ingrid stares at an olde timey photo of … herself with a little girl. Ingrid covers by saying it must be an ancestor. Penelope stirs the pot, like all good MILs do, saying, “I wonder why she looks so troubled … ”
Ingrid worries to Johanna that someone will realize its really her in the photo. Jo’s pretty sure that’s not going to happen. Ingrid wants her to know about her past lives, but the elder Beauchamps huff and try to redirect. Ingrid says she’ll just figure it out herself. Once she’s gone, we learn Jo’s really worried that Ingrid will never forgive Wendy once she knows the truth. WHO COULD NOT LOVE WENDY? Inconceivable!
Killian’s at the hospital with Dash, getting checked out. Doctor Amy comes in to report on the awful bug we were hoping we’d never have to think about again that Dash pulled from Mrs. Murder victim’s throat. Amy gets all giggly around Killian.
Ingrid’s deep in research mode. She’s discovered that the girl in the photo is Athena, the daughter Archibald Browning, original Fairhaven owner and Satanist cult leader. I was going to snark about how a giggly Ingrid seems all, Adam who?, until Freya notices that Ingrid is eating doped brownies. Also, Ingrid totally says holy shit. What’s up, 10 pm time slot! It seems Ingrid baked in a spell to remember her life from 1906. She pouts that nothing’s happening but then she falls back on the bed, writhing.
We flash back to, ooooh!, an olde timey orgy! (Never thought I would type that sentence.) Archibald presides over it all, rising only when a goddess-like Ingrid arrives. They paint each other with blood and make out, your usual olde timey orgy stuff.
Dash and Amy are at the hospital discussing the bug, which is, okay, fine, apparently a branch. The results returned are impossible, I tell you, impossible! There’s only one other such record, from a hospital in Louisiana, but the doctors are dead, the hospital in ruins, so there’s no way to check. Freya shows up, and, concerned about Wendy getting busted, steals the specimen.
Now fever dream Ingrid is at the Beauchamp apothecary, where she works with Wendy and Johanna (Freya is, apparently, in San Francisco.) Archibald shows up, pretending not to know Ingrid, and asking for an illegal ingredient Jo and Wendy refuse to sell him. (It must be said, considering how much we talk about how beautiful everyone’s hair is, that everyone’s olde timey hair is hilarious and terrible this episode.)
Seriously, look at what they did to our beloved Wendy.
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Freya is home, and approaches Wendy, holding the branch. Wendy whisks it out of her hand into the fire, turns out it’s poison: “You touch it, you die.”
Freya’s freaking out. Wendy tells her the sickness takes a few weeks become fatal, so they have time. Apparently the branch eventually fills up your lungs and drowns you. Lovely. Wendy swears she didn’t do this to Mrs. Murder Victim, maybe it was the shifter? Freya asks the obvious, why isn’t Mrs. Murder Victim dead, then? She’s the host, it grew from within her, so she’s immune. (There’s a lot of magic mumbo jumbo here we’re just going to have to agree with, okay?)
Wendy tells Freya that this is bad, she’s seen people die from this, including Freya, 300 years ago. But there is a cure now, and Freya needs to mix the potion herself, and she, Dash and Amy have to drink a whole lot of it. Magic fine print: They’ll know they’re cured when there’s a ringing in their ears, and it will last for a few years, like a vaccine.
Wendy gives a convincing pep talk.
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Fever dream Ingrid is visiting Archibald and Athena, whom she adores. She brought him the bad ingredient. They make out. Then a nervous old lady shows up and they use the potion to cast a spell and make her young again.
Freya’s at the bar, mixing her potion. She brings a fourth round of “East End Antidote” to Dash and Amy. Killian’s designated driver, so he doesn’t get any. (I have a feeling that will be important later?) Freya tries to discover who else could have worked on the branch, but Dash just wants to know why his flighty, fun lovin’ fiancée would care about science. Freya gets annoyed so Dash does what all cornered fiancés would do in this situation: He suggests they elope this weekend.
I’m so understanding, Freya. You can let yourself go after the wedding, I’ll still massage your feet nightly.
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Archibald and fever Ingrid are getting it on. Ingrid hasn’t told her family that they’re engaged. There’s a big plan in the works: to gather their followers and return to where they came, taking back what is rightfully theirs? Or something? Only, ruh roh, the old-now-young lady didn’t take to the spell, and is dead! Ingrid worries that the townspeople will be after them now, they have to hide the body in the catacombs. And they need to put their plan into motion tonight, beginning with getting married ASAP. The dead woman’s old man brother shows up, demanding to see his sister. Archibald tells her he’s dead, and then kills him, after Ingrid refuses to do the deed.
Back at Fairhaven, the drunken threesome has ringing ears! They’re also exploring the catacombs, after Dash mentioned the workers just found a hidden entrance on the estate. Freya is drunk, Killian is into it. Say it with me: they stare longingly at each other. Then, eek! Freya comes upon a whole mess of the poisonous branches in a catacomb corner.
Fever Ingrid — who’s, hey! now wearing Freya’s burned up wedding dress — is at the apothecary hurriedly packing herbs. Wendy finds Ingrid. She knows all about her and Archibald, he even tried to get with Wendy first. Ingrid doesn’t believe it, she’s in love, and Archibald has found a way to keep them from hiding their witchery any longer.
Ingrid, in the offending wedding dress, which honestly I didn’t love.
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They’re still arguing when Archibald shows up with Athena. They argue, and Archibald shoots Wendy up to the ceiling. He tells Ingrid to kill her, but she won’t. They argue while Wendy casts her own spell, hurling a ball of magic at them. Ingrid jumps in the way to save Athena and falls to her death.
Jo tells Ingrid how, that terrible 1906 night, she had an awful vision and rushed to the shop, only to arrive too late. Archibald went after Wendy, so Jo attacked him with an enchanted knife and killed him, cutting Athena in the process. After healing Athena, she says Freya will be dead by morning, because they always die on the same day. Jo, super mad at Wendy for keeping Ingrid’s relationship with Archibald a secret, kicks her out.
Ingrid wants to know what became of Athena, she could feel how much she loved the girl. Jo says she sent her off with some of Archibald’s disciples, and that she died in the 1960s.
Freya reports back about the cave of deadly branches they plan to take care of it, but dun dun dun! Cut to Dash, in the catacombs, taking a sample for himself.
Freya and Dash, now sober, decide not to elope. Penelope hugs Freya, saying she’s so glad, she has such plans for her and her family. And, oh! Not sure if this is supposed to be so obvious, but I think Penelope is Athena! DUN DUN DUN!
What do you think? Is Penelope really Athena all grown up? Did we never see olde timey Freya because there’s no way Jenna Dewan-Tatum would have submitted to that ugly hair? Sound off below, and check back next week for our next recap!