Witches of East End Recap: Episode 2.4 - "The Brothers Grimoire"
Well! A lot happens this episode! They’re not kidding with this ad campaign, “Darkness is rising,” because a lot of people die this episode — including a series regular! — tentacle man makes a reappearance, and there’s incest. You guys. Let’s get to it.
We open happily, anyway, with Wendy out picnicking with her bearded EMT, Tommy. Then, aii! A rat scrambles up Tommy’s arm. He freaks out. Wendy snatches the rodent off of him, squeezes it with her killer nails and hurls it into the bushes. Bad ass, girl!
Poor Victor is still all trussed up and bloody. His captor taunts him and sends Jo a misleading text. The rat shows up to report back, shapeshifting into a woman. Things get sexy right away as the captor licks the wound Wendy inflicted. (I know it’s supposed to be seductive, but all I could think about was germs. I’ll see myself out.)
It gets grosser for these two, if you can believe it.
The woman-rat, Isis, now clothed, is checking out her standard issue torture instruments. She and Ivar are after the portal key. She slices Victor. Aii!
Killian and Dash are catching up as Dash tries to figure out if his brother remembers that whole attacking-and-leaving-him-for-dead thing. Killian’s clueless, only remembering waking up in Santo Domingo. The solicitor arrives, delivering a mysterious box bequeathed to the boys from Penelope. Inside is a puzzle lock box. When they both grasp it, it lights up and spins. The brothers need to talk.
Inside the puzzle is a message in Latin, our guy Dash translates: “follow the trail.” They discuss how it’s totally bananz that they’re warlocks, and that Eva and the Beauchamps are witches. I like that all this stuff is out in the open, instead of spending episodes skulking around the truth.
They try to decipher Penny’s message. They read the words together and the paper leads them to a board in the attic. They pry it up and discover the family spellbook.
Wendy’s on a do-over date with Tommy at Freya’s bar. Except she accidentally stabs him with a dart. They roll out just before …
… Ivar and Isis show up to see Freddy at the bar. Apparently, they’re old buddies. Freddy tries to put Freya off, but she’s intrigued. They tell stories from the old country. It seems Isis and Ivar went too far one day and got banished by Grampa Beauchamp. They make out andddd announce that they’re twins! (Freya wins my heart by using the word “twincest” — is this a term Words with Friends would accept?) Freddy pulls her away to explain that Ivar and Isis are from the shape-shifting, bottom-feeding clan. Freddy says they were buddies when he was acting out, all teen angst. Freddy tells Ivar to scram, but then he shows him the picture of Victor, dangling. Free Victor!
Isis sneaks up on Freya at the bar and comes onto our girl. (I mean, the woman is beautiful.) Freya demurs, but Isis blows black smoke at her.
Dash and Killian are diving right into spellcasting, beginning with a protection spell. (Remember how well this worked last season? Let’s pour one out for Ingrid’s poor, dead cop boyfriend. They should have to get a witch’s license, like Sabrina. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.)
Tommy and Wendy are continuing with their bad date karma with a flat tire, dead phone and near hit and run. Tommy reveals his backstory: he was a medic in Fallujah, and died and came back thanks to a friend, who then died instead. Now Tommy feels he’s got to make his life count. You’re growin’ on me, Tommy!
Ivar and Freddy are parlaying at Freya’s bar. Freddy is being a bad ass (but he’s still wearing a shirt, sorry, Freddy lovers). He won’t open the portal, because who knows what else will come through. Freddy’s not impressed by Victor being trussed up — but he is when he hears the twins have captured Freya.
Dash and Killian are trying to figure out if the spell worked. Like two stoners, they put their arms in the flame to see if they get hurt. Dash remains unharmed. Killian gets burned, and then, you guys … he vomits out a tooth.
Dash calls his new bestie Ingrid. She’d best hurry because now Killian’s hair is falling out. But ruh roh! Ingrid gets a weird look on her face and wanders off to see her tentacle lovah. “I’m here to feed you,” she says. They get it on. (“What is happening?!” my husband looks up from his book to ask.) Ingrid! Wake up! I’m not sure you want to be doing this!
Freddy’s at home, looking for the spellbook. Jo busts him, and he comes clean about Ivar and Isis, Freya and Victor. Jo is on the case! She tells Freddy to stay put. We have watched TV before, so we know no one ever listens to this advice.
Isis crawls around on Freya and talks smack about Freddy. Jo busts in to save the day. Isis casts a spell and scurries off in rat form. An hourglass runs down.
Ingrid wakes up in the woods, all busted up, to a million texts from Dash. Killian looks terrible. Ingrid tries to help. She discovers that the spell they cast is sucking the vitality from Killian and giving it to Dash.
You missed the fine print!
Freddy shows up with the spellbook for Ivar. Ivar is unimpressed with the offering, he wants the key. Freddy casts a spell and a giant snake attacks Ivar, diving into his chest. Then Freddy goes all bad ass and kills him. My, my, my, Freddy!
Wendy and Tommy are boozing at home. They smooch, but Wendy just ate some peanuts. And Tommy is allergic! She stabs him with his epi pen before his heart stops.
Ingrid helps the brothers reverse the spell. Killian’s better! The brothers embrace. They decide to put the spellbook back for a bit. Killian says he wants to stay in East End with his bro. Dash notices Ingrid’s bleeding. She’s got a big gash on her shoulder. She confesses she’s losing time, and she wants Dash’s help, because they’re besties now and she doesn’t know any other witches who might be more qualified to help her.
Okay fine, they’re growing on me as a couple.
Back in the evil twins' underground lair, Jo is trying to figure out how to break the spell. Freya’s seat is rigged, if she moves, they’ll all die.
This does not end well.
Victor pipes up that he and Freya should switch places, killing only him, his injuries are too severe anyway. Jo — who had just been telling Wendy how great things were going with Victor — says she can heal his injuries. Freya says she’ll be reborn anyway, NBD. But Victor says she’s never lived this long, she needs this chance. Jo uses a spell to switch them. Freya and Jo weep as Victor begs for them to go. They run, and an explosion follows them. They look at each other in horror.
Freddy comes home and Jo tells him the news about Victor. She blames him for not telling her about the twins sooner. He apologized, but she tells him to go. Freya’s at the bar. Killian shows up to confront her, but she tells him about Victor. They hug.
Here ya go, Frillian fans!
Freddy bumps into a dude at a bus stop. The dude continues on his way … only to get dragged into the woods and killed by tentacle man. Ah!
So that’s a total of three deaths, some twincest and a defilement. Quite a toll for a Sunday evening. Join us next week, won’t you?