You guys. A disco episode. Called “Boogie Knights.” I can’t. There’s pornstaches, coke snorting and girl-on-girl action — and that’s not to mention what Tentacle Man does to Dash! Let’s get to it!
Julia’s casting a spell outside in the dark, which seems to be her way of saying goodbye to Victor (this will be the only mention of the dearly departed patriarch, so savor it) when she’s interrupted by a whoosh and a glowing scale.
Aaaaand we head back to the 70s as Freya dreams. Jenna Dewan gets to show off her dancing moves as Killian bartends. You guys, the outfits. What I wouldn’t give to be an extra (Lifetime, call me!). She calls Killian out on the dance floor and a 70s Dash (replete with gold chain, I can’t) gets mad and glowers. It’s amazing. As are Killian’s side burns and Dash’s moustache. The costume department clearly had fun here. Freya tells Killian to meet her in the bathroom, where she heads to snort some coke! Killian arrives and they make out. Buzzkill Ingrid wakes her up.
Seems Freya concocted a potion remember her past lives. All she has to do is take a few drops, think of a year and when she sleeps she revisits that life. Say it with me: Ingrid poo poos, per usual. Freya tells Ingrid that she sees Killian in every life, and she’s convinced he’s her soul mate, even though he’s married to Ava in this one. Ingrid tells her to quit it before she finds out something she didn’t want to know.
It’s hard to believe life can be so hard when you’re this pretty.
Dr. Dash is being dashing at work, but his little kid patient dies after surgery. Sniff. Dash casts a spell and revives him. I’m sure this will have dire consequences, but go Dash!
Back at the homestead, Jo, Wendy and Freddy are examining the glowing scale Jo found. Jo says now she knows what’s been killing people — a mandragora.
Freya finally gets out of bed and heads into work to find Killian behind the bar, he got his old job back. They talk magic and Freya tries to confess her love, but Ava shows up. Freya can’t deal so she heads to the back room, takes a few drops of her potion and passes out.
Jo and Wendy head into the city to talk with an old friend who has mandragora experience: Alex, of L&O fame. Alex tells Jo to go to hell.
Ingrid’s at the hospital with Dash, telling him about her sleepwalking, injuries, etc. Ingrid notices Dash has black fingertips, an aftereffect of the spell he cast earlier. Dash confesses and Ingrid says: “Oh shit.” “Goddamn! They like swearing!” my husband says — but he’s also sharing his peanut butter cup ice cream with me, so I’ll allow it.
Alex shows up in East End after all and they decide on a course of action to kill the mandragora — they’re going to kill its mate! If you kill the mate, the monster will die too. Wait til they find out who the mate is, amirite? They head out to set a trap.
Wendy speaks for bad girls everywhere.
Freya’s off in her ’70s dreamland again, getting down at another disco. Dash doesn’t like how she’s dancing with lots of dudes, but Freya pouts — and then she sniffs some coke off his pinky. Freya! It seems Freya’s in the drug business with Dash, she magics up the coke to make it extra awesome. Freya spies Killian and ditches Dash to talk to him. Killian wants to know why she hasn’t dumped Dash yet. (Second verse, same as the first!) Freya says it’s not that simple, Killian says, yah, because of the DRUGS! Killian — whose 70s name is Bobby, but for real, that’s way too confusing — wants Freya to run away. Dash and Killian glower at each other.
Ingrid and Dash are back at the attic, trying to figure out what spell Dash cast. It seems he took the kid’s death into his body, and if he doesn’t get it out, he’s toast. Ingrid tells him they need to re-kill the kid. C’mon!
(Did you know there’s a Save by the Bell movie?! Because there is. It looks like a total train wreck. I must watch it.)
70s Freya is magicking a pile of cocaine. (Freya’s hair is epic Farrah.) Freya wants out. Dash knows she wants “Bobby” and magic-throws her against the wall. Freya magic-pushes him back. Freya runs out, but Dash yells after her, “You’re dead!” So we all know how that’s going to end.
Alex has cast the tracing spell for the mandragora. As they wait, Alex reads Wendy’s palm, and they talk about Tommy. Alex offers to tell Wendy how it all works out, as she can see her future clearly, but buzzkill Jo, clearly Ingrid’s mother, shows up and tells Alex no. As they bicker the tracing spell activates. Jo and Alex head out on the hunt.
Dash stands over a sleeping Sam, but he can’t do it! Dash is pouting in the hallway when a gunshot victim comes in from robbing a liquor store during a murderous heist. The EMT exposits the bad guy’s going to make it. Dash gets an idea.
Ingrid heads home when she gets that naughty look on her face — tentacle man is calling! She heads back out. She awakens later in the forest in just a nightie.
Alex and Jo are tracking the mandragora.
Freya’s still dreaming. Shea heads home to see 70s Jo — and 70s Alex! She tells the ladies she ditched Dash and is moving to Cali with Killian. Alex reads her palm and gives Freya the bad news, she and Killian are “starcrossed” as in, it’s never going to work, so long as the stars are in opposition. Alex tells Freya to break up with Killian and end the cycle of death, but Freya’s not having it. Alex calls Freya on her drugged-up state as Freya runs off.
70s flashback for everyone!
Dash glowers over the robber’s body and gives him the death, then walks off. The guy codes. I’m sure I should feel conflicted about this, but I super don’t.
Dash is boozing away his guilt at home when Ingrid shows up. Dash smartly lies to Ingrid. She asks him to watch her sleep. Wocka wocka.
Sure, this is sweet, but that’s before things get real.
Jo and Alex are still monster huntin’. They talk about the past, and how Jo pulled away after Alex told Freya her future. Jo apologizes for blowing her off … and then they kiss!
The mandragora sneaks up on Jo as she finds Ingrid’s stuff in the woods. Alex takes a shot at the monster but Jo tries to stop her. The shot goes wide and the mandragora — and a sleeping Ingrid — end up with arm wounds. Dash is trying to help her when she becomes possessed and attacks him. Tentacle man appears and sticks his tentacles in Dash’s ears and brain as Dash screams! Ahh!
This is not good.
70s Dash is in da club, snorting some coke. He sees Killian just as Freya — in a killer gold wrap dress — kisses him. Dash pulls out a gun and shoots Killian dead. Boom. Freya wakes up and gasps. She walks out into the bar and tells Killian she’s happy for him and Ava, as Ava looks on from afar and spikes a drink for her man.
Jo and Alex follow the mandragora’s trail to Fairhaven. Alex uses her old L&O skills to search the dark house. But all they see is the mandragora and Ingrid in a clinch before they vanish.